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“Everyone looks at me and judges how I look. I have a big nose. I’m not pretty enough for a picture. I don’t have a beach body to wear a swimsuit. I prefer to wear longer and bigger clothes to cover my imperfections. I’d have to lose at least 10 pounds to wear this piece or I’d look terrible…” Have you ever uttered any of these sentences?
Dissatisfaction with one’s appearance is quite common nowadays. It’s associated with low self-esteem, which can trouble both women and men. Most people go through it in their teenage years, but the same feelings can occur even in adulthood. Especially when, for example, you start comparing yourself with the seemingly “perfect” photos of others on Instagram.
You can very easily get to the point of believing that you are not good or pretty enough. The woman with straight hair dreams of curly hair, while the curly haired one thinks about what it would be like if her hair was straight while combing it. In doing so, they both forget that each is unique, and their hair complements their unique personalities. Feelings of dissatisfaction with one’s appearance can be more frequent with the arrival of summer, when we wear less clothing because of the heat. For many people, this is the perfect time to judge their body and overall appearance.
But at the same time it is completely oblivious that many other people would kill to have your butt, nose, belly, eyes or smile. In the meantime, you are concerned with how great it would be if you looked at least half as “good” as your favourite actors, singers, athletes and other famous personalities. But is this really the most important thing in life? Feel free to pause here and really think about the answer to this question. Sure, coming to terms with your appearance can be difficult at times, but it’s definitely not impossible. At the same time, loving yourself in your natural form can be one of the best things that can happen to you. That’s why today we will introduce you to some tips that can help you accept your natural form and teach you to love who you are.
What does a negative view of your appearance entail
Your negative inner voice can take many forms. Some classic examples of it were part of the introduction to this article. The so-called negative self-talk is actually any monologue you have inside yourself that can limit your ability to perceive your own appearance or to believe in yourself. Each such thought can reduce your ability to make positive changes in your life or achieve a specific goal. It can sound like an extremely critical parent, an unfair teacher, or a toxic friend. Each of these people would try to convince you that you don’t look good enough or that you’re not good enough to do certain things. A negative inner voice sounds the same. It’s too pessimistic, critical, negative and erodes your self-confidence, be it with regard to your physical appearance or any of your abilities. However, you must remember that this internal monologue, or negative self-talk often doesn’t reflect reality at all. [1]
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Signs that you look at your appearance through a skewed lens
Often you might not even be aware of the fact that you’re looking at your appearance negatively. Here are some signs that indicate that you need to start paying attention and realize that you are thinking badly about yourself [2]:
- You hate shopping because you feel like you look bad in everything
- You decide what looks good on you based on the latest fashion trends rather than what you feel good wearing
- You choose new clothes by first asking the opinion of those around you and only then you either buy them or not
- You avoid meeting new people because of your appearance
- You don’t like taking pictures because you feel like you look terrible
- You compare yourself to other people on social networks and you wish to have their appearance, while forgetting your own uniqueness [2]
If you have found yourself in any of these points, there is definitely no need to panic. Instead, read on because you too deserve to feel good in your own skin. We will advise you on how to do it below.
What is body positivity, why is it important to like yourself and are there any limits to it?
One of the answers to the question of how to like yourself can be hidden by the term “body positivity”. Its point is that everyone deserves to have a positive image of their own appearance, regardless of how the society perceives the ideal of beauty. This means that it doesn’t matter if you have a slightly bigger nose or shorter hair. Not even the fact that you don’t have a six-pack, like your favourite actor, actress or well-known personality from social networks. Despite this, you can still wear a swimsuit in summer, because everyone’s appearance is unique. So it’s perfectly fine to like yourself the way you are.
Why is it important to like yourself?
Loving yourself is important for several reasons, many of which can help you to get the most out of your life in terms of quality. Thanks to the so-called self-love you can gain:
- Higher self-esteem: Feeling good about your own body can improve your overall self-esteem and self-confidence. Thanks to this, other aspects of your life, such as relationships, work or social interactions with other people, can also improve.
- Better mental health: A negative view of one’s appearance can also be responsible for the development of some psychological problems, such as anxiety or depression. Feeling good about your appearance, on the other hand, can minimize these feelings and positively support how you feel in general.
- Better relationships: Feeling good about yourself can also affect your relationships or social interactions. If you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, there’s no reason to shy away from others. On the contrary, you can be less shy, more open and natural, which can help you strengthen relationships with people around you.
If we were to summarize it, feeling good about how you perceive your appearance can positively contribute to your overall well-being or quality of life.
What are the limits of love for your own appearance?
Despite the information above, it should be mentioned that even self-love or body positivity have their limits. Therefore, it shouldn’t cross the line of unhealthy lifestyle or glorification of obesity. These issues bring with them various health risks, such as high blood pressure, a higher risk of mortality, high LDL and low HDL cholesterol or various diseases of the gallbladder.
However, the list of all risk factors is considerably longer, and each of them contributes to a reduced quality of life. Body positivity has nothing to do with that. Just as it has nothing to do with body-shaming, i.e. humiliating someone for being overweight. It should be remembered here that obesity and significant overweight are health problems that make the body more exposed to the aforementioned risks. However, this should in no regard be a reason for bullying or insulting people who struggle with obesity. [3 – 5]
Specific tips on how to like yourself
If you still can’t accept your natural form and learn to love who you are, don’t worry. Some of the tips below might be able to help you.
1. Try self-care
The term self-care describes the ability to keep yourself in good shape, prevent diseases and support your own health. So it can definitely be one of the ways to like yourself. However, self-care has many other benefits. It can help you cope better with everyday stress, manage life’s setbacks or prepare you for unfortunate circumstances in your life.
According to research, self-care can also reduce chronic stress, improve psychological resistance and contribute to greater overall satisfaction. There are several self-care methods. In connection with the appearance, there’s physical care, which includes getting enough sleep and exercise, sports, a healthier diet or a sufficient liquids intake. [6 – 8]
- If you are further interested in this topic, read our article Self-care: How to Take Care of Yourself and Be More Satisfied in Life.
2. Stop thinking that social media define beauty standards
Have you ever posted a photo on Facebook or Instagram and nervously waited for the first likes or comments? And did you feel good only at the moment when the amount of them increased to a certain number? If that’s the case, there’s probably something wrong. This action is a sign that you need affirmation from others in order to feel your own worth. A person with high self-esteem can easily share photos on social networks without nervously waiting for the first likes.
It should be remembered that social media is full of “beauty standards”. Whether it is television, the Internet or the much-loved and endlessly-scrolled social networks. However, if you want to find a way to be in peace with your appearance, it’s necessary to put an end to the idea that these networks define the beauty standards. Very often you can find there seemingly perfect photos that don’t correspond to reality. It should be also mentioned that the number of likes is definitely not a reflection of recognition. Each of us is unique in the way we look and behave. And that’s what makes us human. Therefore, it’s unnecessary to copy the appearance of others who may actually be dreaming of having eyes or hair like you. [2]
3. Build your confidence
The key to feeling good about yourself and loving the person you are is confidence. However, it won’t just come to you overnight, and at least in the beginning it will require some effort. Start by reminding yourself of your past successes. It can be graduating from college, finding a job that you enjoy, or even just managing to get your driver’s license, overcoming a difficult period in your life, buying your dream car or building a house. Or maybe you’ve finally managed to start exercising, running or eating healthier? All this deserves recognition. Think about what you have accomplished and where these moments have taken you. You have to believe that you are worth it and that you deserve to feel confident. Better body language, which is a reflection of your inner feelings, can also help with this. Try standing straight with your arms straight and looking in front of you instead of at the ground.
Try to maintain firm eye contact with people and don’t forget to smile. Finding something you really excel at and working on it will also be a great piece of the puzzle of your self-confidence. You can try sports or various other activities that people do. An example could be singing, dancing or many other creative or artistic activities. However, it is very important to actually like the new activity. This will make you feel good and ultimately confident. Other than that, try to focus on your skills and what you do best.
Nobody is like a Superman at everything, unless your name is Clark Kent. Each of us is special and good at something different. Therefore, there is no need to go with the flow of other people and find your own activity, which allows you to shine and feel more confident. However, even if you get into an unknown situation, it’s not the end of the world. Try to focus on the best that could happen instead of the worst. [9]
4. Try to slow down
I guess no one needs to hear again that we live in a fast and hectic environment. However, everyday stress and pressure to perform can also affect your health. Therefore, one of the ways to feel better about your body may be to be able to slow down. The quality and perception of the world around you is much more important than constantly chasing something. This way, you can live a much more conscious life, which is based on real values. There can be many ways to slow down, and it is up to you to pick one that would fit into the mosaic of your life.
For starters, you can try:
- Eat more slowly without the telly or distractions: Make sure you chew each bite well and really taste the flavours you put in your mouth. The so-called mindful eating, i.e. conscious eating that focuses on the present moment and awareness of one’s feelings, could also help. This way of eating can even help you lose weight by reducing overeating. In addition, with mindful eating, you are likely to become more aware of your fullness and gain more control over emotional eating. The result might not be just reduced weight. It could also improve the energy that radiates from you, which is again associated with an increase in self-confidence. [11]
- Don’t forget to breathe: Try to spend a few minutes during the day just breathing. Inhale ten times and exhale slowly. Be sure to also try various breathing exercises, and if this method of slowing down appeals to you, you can give meditation a try. It can help you find inner peace and reduce stress.
- Also remember to rest: It’s not good if you bounce between waking up early in the morning and staying up late watching Netflix, while in the meantime you try to survive work with a nice dose of caffeine in the form of several cups of coffee. If you feel exhausted, the only solution is to rest. It’s important to understand that you deserve it and that it’s a natural need of your body. It will be perfectly fine if you go to bed earlier than usual today in order to get more sleep. Furthermore, it’s perfectly fine to treat yourself to some undisturbed downtime, for example with a good book. However, everyone should find their own form of rest that suits them. If you get a sufficient amount of rest, you will definitely feel better in your body. [10]
- If you are interested in more tips in this regard, read our article 8 Tips on How to Slow Down and Enjoy Life More.
5. Surround yourself with the right people
If someone has a problem with their appearance, it can often be caused by their surroundings. Not just because of that it’s good to surround yourself with the right people and distance yourself from those who don’t respect you. When someone constantly underestimates you and claims that you are not good or attractive enough, after a while it may happen that you yourself believe these words. And yet they are far from the truth. In case you have experienced or are experiencing something similar, it’s always good to tell them how you feel. If they won’t understand, it will be best for you to cut them off completely.
The following questions can help you choose the right people in your life:
- Do your loved ones listen to you the moment you open up to them?
- Do they judge you for things that are out of your control?
- Are they forcing you to do something you’d rather not do?
- Do they return the level of care and respect you show them?
Of course, it may not always be easy to answer these questions honestly. But you have to realize that if you want to direct your life on the right path and value yourself more, it will be necessary. A healthy and supportive network of people is one of the best sources of energy on the way to enjoying yourself not only from the outside, but also from the inside. [12]
6. Take care of your body
Learn to value yourself more. The more you like yourself, the more care you dedicate to yourself, which will then translate into a healthier lifestyle. You can then discover new interesting tastes or a physical activity that will really drag you in. And maybe the whole thing will gradually become a non-intrusive change that will one day surprise you in the mirror.
You can try focusing on the following areas:
- A healthy diet can bring many benefits to your life, including higher self-confidence and self-esteem. When you supply your body with the necessary nutrients, you will feel stronger, healthier and more energetic, which in turn will have a positive effect on the overall quality of your life. In addition, among other health benefits, healthier eating is generally associated with lower weight, which is reflected in higher self-esteem.
- Exercise goes hand in hand with the benefits of a healthy diet. In addition, a 2016 study found that regular physical activity improves our body image, making us feel significantly more confident about our own appearance.
- Meditation can help boost self-esteem in a variety of ways. First of all, it can help you get to know yourself more and accept who you are. In addition, it can teach you to deal with the influx of negative thoughts and cut yourself off from feelings that would destroy your self-confidence.
- Better quality sleep, which according to studies, among other health benefits, is associated with positive personality traits such as optimism and self-confidence. [13 – 15]
Taking care of yourself is important for your self-confidence, which goes hand in hand with how you feel about your appearance. Therefore, on your way to that positive acceptance, you should make sure you are getting what you need to feel good about yourself. Because everyone definitely deserves it and you are no exception. You can find more information about feeling good about yourself in the article How Does Your Mind and Body Change When You Begin Exercising and Eating Healthily?
7. Forgive yourself
It is quite common for people who are unhappy with their appearance to be very hard on themselves and unable to forgive themselves. Nowadays, it is very easy to let yourself be pushed under the influence of perfectionism. It’s promoted everywhere, and social media, which often show you unrealistic or distorted beauty standards, are no exception. Ultimately, you end up comparing yourself with those standards and getting the feeling that you are not good enough.
But instead, you should think about the fact that we are all human. We are not perfect and we make mistakes. Our appearance doesn’t just get copy-pasted onto the next person, but that is why each of us is unique. This is where our humanity and uniqueness lies. Therefore, it doesn’t make sense to worry about the fact that the colour of your eyes is not the same as that of Tom Cruise, or that you don’t have Gal Gadot’s figure, or because your nose isn’t straight without any bumps or hooks. And that is completely natural and okay. [12]
8. Be grateful
They say that a person is only grateful for the most important things in life when they lose them. Until then, our mind is often filled with unimportant things that have no real impact on the quality of life. So be grateful for what you have. Your eyes may not be the colour you wanted, but you can see all the beauty around you through them. Your legs may not be lean and athletic, but they will carry you wherever you go.
Not everyone has these opportunities in life. The same goes for overall health. You can also be grateful for your friends, being able to drink clean water or simply waking up in the morning and being able to enjoy the day. In addition, you can move, play sports and be whoever you want to be. These are all really important things in life and each of us has something to be grateful for. Therefore, look for small moments that bring you joy, enjoy the things around you and be aware of the presence of good things that make you feel better.
9. Accept your thoughts
One of the interesting things about thoughts is that they can be so varied. Not everyone is doing great all the time and not every day is Sunday. It’s okay to have negative thoughts from time to time. Try to accept them instead of resisting them at all costs. You don’t have to like them or believe them. Just give them a chance to pass and try to reduce their influence on your person.
At first glance, it may sound uncomfortable, but this outlook can be learned. Recognizing the thoughts that are contributing to your low self-esteem can help you change the way you think about them. This way, you can accept your value as a person. When you realize that, your self-esteem and self-confidence will grow along with it. [16]
Conclusion
There is no real beauty standard or definition of perfection. It often lives only in your head, and its image intensifies the moment you start comparing yourself to perfection on social media. That’s why it’s important to realize that obsessing over how you look is ultimately very limiting. It prevents you from living a real life and appreciating all that is beautiful in this world. At least as much as the fact that each of us belongs here and is beautiful in its natural and exceptional form. Trying to be better is perfectly fine, but you shouldn’t worry about things you can’t change. It’s possible that there is someone around you who would give anything in the world for your teeth, eyes, nose, figure or hair. Therefore, give yourself some respect and enjoy everything beautiful that life has to offer.
[1] Elizabeth Scott - The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk – https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304
[2] 7 Ways to Feel Better About the Way You Look – https://my.liveyourtruth.com/dyt/7-ways-to-feel-better-about-the-way-you-look/
[3] Health Effects of Overweight and Obesity – https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/effects/index.html
[4] Kendra Cherry - What Is Body Positivity? – https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-body-positivity-4773402
[5] Peyton Sutle - The Line Between Body Positivity and Glorifying Obesity – https://pressbooks.pub/btugman/chapter/the-line-between-body-positivity-and-glorifying-obesity/
[6] Self-care interventions for health – https://www.who.int/health-topics/self-care#tab=tab_1
[7] Erin E. Ayala, Jeffrey S. Winseman, Ryan D. Johnsen & Hyacinth R. C. Mason - U.S. medical students who engage in self-care report less stress and higher quality of life – https://bmcmededuc.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12909-018-1296-x
[8] Chelsie Monroe, Figaro Loresto, Sara Horton-Deutsch, Cathryn Kleiner, Kathryn Eron, Robert Varney, Stephanie Grimm - The value of intentional self-care practices: The effects of mindfulness on improving job satisfaction, teamwork, and workplace environments – https://www.psychiatricnursing.org/article/S0883-9417(20)30559-8/fulltext
[9] Barton Goldsmith - 10 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself – https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/10-ways-feel-better-about-yourself
[10] Lauren McAulay - 8 Ways to Embrace Self-Love and Thank Your Body – https://www.healthline.com/health/8-ways-to-embrace-self-love-and-thank-your-body#2.-Mindful-movement
[11] Shawn N. Katterman a, Brighid M. Kleinman b, Megan M. Hood a, Lisa M. Nackers a, Joyce A. Corsica - Mindfulness meditation as an intervention for binge eating, emotional eating, and weight loss: A systematic review – https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1471015314000191
[12] Shonna Waters - How to give yourself a boost and start feeling better – https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-feel-better-about-yourself
[13] Amy Morin - How to Be More Confident: 9 Tips That Work – https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098
[14] Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms – https://www.dovepress.com/physical-activity-and-self-esteem-testing-direct-and-indirect-relation-peer-reviewed-fulltext-article-NDT
[15] Sakari Lemola, Katri Räikkönen, Veronica Gomez & Mathias Allemand International Journal of Behavioral Medicine - Optimism and Self-Esteem Are Related to Sleep. Results from a Large Community-Based Sample – https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12529-012-9272-z
[16] Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself – https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374