What Is True Love and How Does It Affect Your Body?

Do you remember your first love? Maybe it played out on the playground, behind closed doors of your kindergarten or at camp. You felt a slight nervousness in each other’s presence, butterflies in stomachs, and no one else was more important at that moment. Some people even manage to find a lifelong partner during their schooling years and experience the love of a lifetime with them.

Love can strike you out of the blue like Cupid’s arrow and can come when you least expect it. It’s written in books, made into romantic films and affects all people. We know all too well that there are 3 types of love, such as love for your partner, maternal love or friend love. But how does love actually form, and what happens in the body when it does? That is the topic of today’s article.

What is love, anyway?

How would you describe love to someone who has never known it? Perhaps if you had to tell a newly invented artificial intelligence about it, or if you met a visitor from another planet. Some would certainly start with describing butterflies in the stomach and sweaty palms, some would go straight to sexual attraction, while others would launch into an explanation of lifelong devotion.

Actually, everybody would be right. Love has its own evolution and it is quite normal that everyone experiences it in their own way and a little differently. Also, in the initial phase of a relationship, it often looks completely different than after a few years. A general definition that would make possible aliens and artificial intelligence understand what love means is no easy feat.

Have you ever heard of the theory of love?

The triangular theory of love can help to describe this strong feeling. It was introduced in 1986 by psychologist Robert Stenberg. It consists of three components – intimacy, passion and commitment – each of which represents a different aspect of love. [1-3]

• Intimacy (the affectionate component) in a relationship means feelings of closeness, connection, and bonding with another person. You can also think of it as “the warmth of home”.
• Passion (the steamy component) contains physical attractiveness and sexual attraction. It’s a kind of magnet that draws you to someone. These feelings, however, can naturally fade over time in a relationship.
• Commitment (the cooler component) reflects a person’s dedication and intention to stay in the relationship. It is common especially for serious and long-term relationships. In fact, its intensity often increases gradually.

According to this theory, love is something like a great meal, to which you add a dose of passion, mix intimacy and connect all this with commitment. The amount of these ingredients can naturally vary within a relationship over time. Likewise, different relationships will mix a different love cocktail each time.

For example, the short-term ones often lack intimacy and commitment, but have passion. Arranged marriages, which were common in the past, were again characterized by a high level of commitment, but the intensity of intimacy and passion may not have been as strong. The ideal relationship is with all these ingredients present. [1-3]

How does love take to form, and what does it do to your body?

When you share love with someone, the world is suddenly a nicer place. You smile more, have energy to spare, and together you float on a pink cloud high above the earth. There’s more to these feelings than a crush or an unearthly power. It doesn’t even come from the heart, but from the brain and its chemical reactions that result in an irresistible and intoxicating love cocktail.

Scientists have found that certain hormones are associated with love, such as oxytocin, dopamine, cortisol and testosterone. They increase and decrease in the body depending on what you’re experiencing. These emotions are most commonly divided into lust, attraction and commitment.

Phase 1: Lust

Lust can be called the first stage of love. It is driven by a desire for sexual gratification that stems from the need to reproduce and pass on genetic information. When you see someone you desire in this way, your sex hormone levels rise. In men, it’s mainly testosterone and in women, oestrogen. Their increased levels can then boost libido. In this case, it’s mainly physical appearance that catches the attention. [4-5]

Oxytocin is also sometimes called the hug hormone. In the body, it is secreted during physical contact, especially during orgasm. After intimate play with a partner, you may feel a little closer, which strengthens the relationship. Vasopressin has similar effects and its higher levels in the body are found mainly in a stable relationship, according to experts. [4-5]

With these hormones, “the more, the better” rule does not apply. They have similar effects to some drugs, and people can even become addicted to them. This is especially true of dopamine and oxytocin, which in excess trigger unhealthy behavioural patterns. They are associated with excessive jealousy, infidelity and irrational behaviour. [4]

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How do you recognize a person in love?

The above hormones trigger a series of reactions that a person feels. However, it is much more difficult to recognise in another person that they are experiencing something like this. Body language, or the language of love, can give you a clue.

1. They have dilated pupils

When someone who cares about you looks at you, their pupils probably dilate. It happens mostly when someone sees something they really like. This is mainly due to the increased levels of the aforementioned hormones oxytocin and dopamine. [6]

This allows a person to see better and focus their eyes on the target. However, it is not always mutual attraction that is behind the enlargement of pupils. It can also be caused by a change in light or alcohol. [6]

2. They establish constant eye contact

You must have heard the famous expression, “It was love at first sight.” Believe me, it can happen to you, especially if it was a long and deep look. The eyes are a great tool for communication and people often use them to subconsciously search for what they are interested in. When someone looks directly into your eyes, a connection and a certain type of intimacy is established. If you and your partner look into each other’s eyes often and for long periods of time, this can confirm the genuineness and strength of your love. [7]

3. They want to be around you

You can really read a lot from body language. If it happens that your counterpart somehow approaches you during a conversation and leans in, maybe they are not drawn in by the scent of a new perfume. They’re probably subconsciously looking for maximum proximity, which only confirms their affection. You can detect it in the fleeting touches they shower you with whenever you see each other. [7]

4. They pay more attention to you

If on a date you feel like you are the only one in the world for the other person at that moment, it’s a good sign. Love can cause what is called “tunnel vision” in which you give all the attention to one person. When someone can listen to your thought processes for hours and not notice their surroundings, it says a lot about their attachment and feelings. [7-8]

5. They act nervously around you

When you are around someone you like, you can suddenly feel vulnerable and slightly stressed. Even the most confident individuals may find their voice shaking or their hands sweating. Some people start to talk out of turn under the weight of nervousness, while others blush slightly. These are also signals that you are more than just a friend or a buddy to someone. [8]

What effects does a hug have?

Love undoubtedly includes physical contact as well as hugging on a regular basis. People also experience this with family and close friends. People express support and affection for each other in this way. There are many benefits of hugging. It has a positive effect not only on the mood but also on health.

1. Improves your mood

When you hug, the body secretes higher amounts of dopamine. This is associated with feelings of happiness and pleasure, which in turn results in a happier mood and greater mental well-being. You may also feel a greater burst of energy and motivation, which makes it easier to manage daily responsibilities and goals. A hug like this in the morning can be a great way to start the day or calm down in the evening after a hectic day. [9]

If you’re looking for great ways to be in a better mood and also be happier overall, read our article 10 Ways to Be Happier in Life.

2. Lowers stress

At times when you feel like it’s too much to handle, hugging a loved one can help. This increases serotonin and oxytocin levels. The stress hormone cortisol, on the other hand, may reduce. You will feel calmer and reduce feelings of anxiety and tension. In addition, higher levels of serotonin can give you more confidence, which is useful in exam periods or before public presentations. [10-11]

Why is it important to fight stress and know how to manage it? Find out in our article Why Is Stress Dangerous and How to Reduce It?

3. Supports immunity

Physical contact with another person does not only have a positive effect on emotions. By reducing stress levels, you also boost your immune system. Hormones play a role in this, especially the increase of oxytocin and the reduction of the stress hormone cortisol. This was shown, for example, in a study in which participants who hugged more often were less likely to develop respiratory illnesses such as colds and flu. So don’t be afraid to take this “vitamin” more often and in large doses! [9-12]

For more practical tips on how to boost your immunity, see our article 15 Ways to Boost Your Immune System and Protect Your Health.

Do you know all eight types of love?

The ancient Greeks knew that love does not have to only be between two partners. They managed to describe eight types of love. Which one are you experiencing right now?

1. Agape – love for everyone. It’s also called empathic love and is mainly possessed by people who would give themselves up for others. They don’t expect anything back, but they often neglect their own needs.
2. Eros – romantic love. It is based on physical attraction, touching, kissing and other intimate activities.
3. Philia – devoted love. It lacks sexual attraction, but is characterised by respect and devotion to the other person. Most often it occurs between family members and good friends.
4. Philautia – self-love. A form of love in which one appreciates oneself. Such people are not selfish, they just know that it is important to take care of themselves, satisfy their own needs and take responsibility for their own life.
5. Storge – familial love. It is a deep feeling and emotional connection between children and parents or best friends.
6. Pragma – long-term love. It can be found amongst people who live in a long-lasting satisfied relationship. It cannot do without commitment and dedication on both sides.
7. Ludus – playful love. It occurs mainly at the beginning of a relationship and is characterised by flirtation, playfulness and laughter.
8. Mania – obsessive love. This is common in couples where the love between the two is not on the same level. It often leads to unhealthy jealousy and co-dependency. [13]

These types of love are intertwined throughout life. You can certainly experience self-love, love for your partner, children, parents and friends at the same time. In a relationship, it is important that all these types are balanced and do not overpower each other. You should care about your own fulfilment, but you should also care about your partner’s. This will show them that you are not indifferent.

What should you remember?

Love in its various forms is a big part of our life. It affects not only your emotions, but also often how you behave. It’s all the work of hormonal cocktails that intensify the desire for another person. You can’t get this person out of your head, your mind is always somewhere off the ground and you can hardly control your body around them. If this feeling is mutual, it can result in a happy relationship in which one is committed to the other. This is what most people long for. If you haven’t met your true love yet, don’t hang your head, they are surely waiting for you somewhere.

If you liked the article and took away interesting information, please share it with your friends and other people you care about. That way they can also discover what true love is.

Sources:

[1] Sorokowski, P., Sorokowska, A., Karwowski, M., Groyecka, A., Aavik, T., Akello, G., Alm, C., Amjad, N., Anjum, A., Asao, K., Atama, C. S., Atamtürk Duyar, D., Ayebare, R., Batres, C., Bendixen, M., Bensafia, A., Bizumic, B., Boussena, M., Buss, D. M., … Sternberg, R. J. Universality of the Triangular Theory of Love: Adaptation and Psychometric Properties of the Triangular Love Scale in 25 Countries. [https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2020.1787318

[2] Psychology Today. What Love Is . – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/first-blush/202104/what-love-is

[3] Robert J. Sternberg. Love. – http://www.robertjsternberg.com/love

[4] Science in the News. Love, Actually: The science behind lust, attraction, and companionship. – https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/

[5] How Love Works. HowStuffWorks. – https://people.howstuffworks.com/love.htm

[6] A Conscious Rethink. Why Dilated Pupils Are A Good Sign Of Attraction (And Maybe Love). – https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/16784/dilated-pupils-attraction-love/

[7] Well+Good. 6 signs someone is in love with you, based on body language alone. – https://www.wellandgood.com/signs-someone-is-in-love-with-you/

[8] Hack Spirit. The body language of men in love. 15 signs that he’s falling for you. – https://hackspirit.com/the-body-language-of-men-in-love-15-signs-hes-falling-for-you/

[9] US News. The Health Benefits of Hugging .– https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging

[10] SelectHealth. 4 Reasons Why Hugs Are Good For You. – https://selecthealth.org/blog/2017/08/4-healthy-reasons-to-hug-more

[11] Cleveland Clinic. Why Hugging Is Actually Good for Your Health. – https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-hugging-is-actually-good-for-your-health-video/

[12] Cohen, S., Janicki-Deverts, D., Turner, R. B., & Doyle, W. J. Does hugging provide stress-buffering social support? A study of susceptibility to upper respiratory infection and illness. – https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797614559284

[13] FTD. The 8 Different Types of Love + the Perfect Combo for You. – https://www.ftd.com/blog/give/types-of-love